It’s reasonable to think “I’m still in love with my ex” especially if the breakup is still fresh in your head. That doesn’t mean that the break up had to be recent, just that you are still clinging to some hope that you will get back together. You can’t help but think “How can I get them back and heal my broken heart?”
With the holidays coming up it’s natural to feel lonely and want what you use to have, but be careful what you wish for. Getting back together with your ex might not be the best thing, so before you proceed you need to make sure you really think it through.
First of all you should think about why you broke up. Is it something that you alone can fix? Unless your ex is on board with trying to make it work, you may have to change only the things you can do alone.
You don’t want the same relationship again, obviously something was wrong, otherwise it wouldn’t have ended. So instead of repeating the same old cycle, which will not be appealing to your ex, you need to add something new to the relationship.
For example, think about the things that went wrong in your relationship, what were your fights about? Were you the one instigating them or was he? After my breakup I discovered I was way too motherly, I always tried to fix everything, instead of allowing him to figure things out. It made him feel inferior and like a child. Or are you like my friend, Serena, she allowed her anger and resentment towards her husband to drive him away?
Hindsight is a wonderful thing; it allows us to look at the past much more objectively and without emotion. Write down the things you think went wrong and now try and change them. If you were angry, try and let the anger go before even attempting to talk to your ex. If you are like me, always trying to fix things, learn to listen and be there for him instead of trying to fix everything. Let him come up with some ideas, it will boost his ego if he can take care of it himself.
Once you have figured out what you need to do, and are making an honest effort to change, then start to re-establish a friendship with your ex. Take things slow and test the waters a little bit. If you push too hard you may scare him off forever. If he seems to be responding to your efforts then maybe trying hanging out, invite him out with some friends, but keep it really casual. Let him see that you have changed, don’t point it out to him, if it was a real sore spot in your relationship then he will definitely notice.
Let the relationship take its course, it may be slow going but that is ok. Some things take longer to heal than others. He needs to see that you have changed for the long haul and that it is not just temporary. Hopefully by the holidays you will be thinking about what the new year will bring for the two of you, instead of thinking, “I’m still in love with my ex, how can I heal my broken heart?”.