Category Archives: Uncategorized

does-conflict-in-relationships-affect-men-more

Will Psychology Help Heal My Broken Heart?

Psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently when trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship and mending our broken hearts. From time to time there are going to be arguments if you are dating or in a marriage. It can make matters worse if the couple’s way of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Whether you are married or just dating, couples have turned to marriage counselors or other forms of relationship guidance. You will realize through counseling some things that will help you to understand how each other thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoided intimacy and being dependent on their other half. Concerns of being rejected or abandoned increased levels of anxiety was also uncovered in the study. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. When dealing with anxiety and thoughts of abandonment, people reacted to it differently and those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. When using these subjects, the ones researching relationship psychology found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. The majority of men were found to have an increased reaction to anxiety while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

In trying to resolve conflict in a relationship, women are more likely to want to guide a conversation. They are the ones actively working to get the situation resolved in this situation, the psychology shows. Although the women showed increased cortisol levels before and during the confrontation, the level decreased dramatically after. Getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying, the women showed.

Conversely, conflict resolution in men showed to be more passive. There was evidence that they as well wanted the conflict resolved however they weren’t anxious to confront the conflict head on. Female partners who were more secure, the men showed lower levels of anxiety. Whether the male counterpart was secure or not, there was no change in the level of anxiety in the women.

Whether you go to family therapy or psychologists to seek out relationship advice, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. Studying the effects of conflict in men and women in the above research will help you know why they react the way that they do in the relationship. Research done by psychology and physiological teams, will help you heal your broken heart and deal with conflict better.

breaking-up-is-hard-to-do-ending-a-relationship

Does your to-do list look something like this:

·    Walk dog
·    Water plants
·    Break up with significant other

Someone has to make the move to break up if it’s a mess. But ending a relationship is hard and isn’t at the top of anyone’s to-do list. Since breaking up is so hard to do too many relationships have gone on far longer than they should have.

Other times break ups can be full of drama with someone’s clothes being heaved out of a window. Or there are times when the relationship just dies a slow death.

So what do you do to not hurt the other person when ending a relationship?

Ask yourself why you want the relationship terminated. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. This means when you speak to your partner you need to be true to them and true to yourself.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. If distance is an issue, you should do it as soon as you can, it’s always best to do it in person. Be compassionate when ending a relationship. If staying friends after the break up, end the romantic ties on friendly terms.

Talk about all the things you’ve learned and the great memories you will cherish instead of putting your partner on the defensive. Being there during the break up process is important. You may need to respond to their needs right now as it may be a very difficult and emotional time for them.

When ending a relationship try not to take it personally if the other person says something very hurtful. You might need to meet with your partner more than once to have closure in the relationship. Or, they may need space. Help your ext to get through this hard time.

You are now ready to start a new phase in your life that doesn’t include your ex, so don’t let them make you feel guilt for it. If you want to retain some sort of relationship with them that’s fine, but remember when ending a relationship for the right reasons, in the end it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book”? Most relationships can be saved if you do the work, that is something only you can decide. You can get through this period and come out an even stronger couple if you are willing to invest the time and effort.

However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to ending a relationship with a clean break and move on.

Some Practical and Surprising Tips on How to Heal My Broken Heart

Relationships can be a truly wonderful thing and they can add joy, happiness and meaning to a person’s life. However, when those relationships end, the emotions that the break up can lead to are the exact opposite of how wonderful and enjoyable the relationship made you feel. In essence, you usually come out of those times with one whopper of a broken heart. Having a broken heart can be a terrible thing to have to contend with, but with a few simple how to heal my broken heart tips, you can make the situation not only more manageable, but you can also help to reduce the time you have to suffer.

There are plenty of how to heal my broken heart tips that you will find, but one in particular deals with putting the relationship and those things that remind you of that other person out of your life and out of your mind. What you will want to do is gather everything that reminds of your ex, pack it up and get rid of it. Throw it away, donate it to charity, give it back or have a friend hang on to it for you. Whatever you do, if it belongs to your ex, get as far away from those things as you can.

Another good how to heal my broken heart tip, although this might seem a little odd but it is a proven way to get your mind off of your lost relationship, and it’s good for you as well, is to get some exercise. It is a scientifically proven fact that as you exercise, your body releases endorphins that actually help to improve your mood. It would account for why some people who come out of a serious relationship tend to lose weight, look better and feel better. While this might not be the sole source of your broken heart recovery, it may give you more hope that you can and will get over your heartache.

No one wants to think that in the middle of a wonderful relationship, that their relationship will one day end, but the sad fact is that they often do, and when they do, it can throw you into a spiral of depression and despair. However, with these simple how to heal my broken heart tips, you can find that there is life after the break up.

Can Plastic Surgery Save My Marriage And Mend My Broken Heart?

I think many women have false hope that plastic surgery could save their marriage. But are women having plastic surgery to keep their man or are they doing it for themselves? Whatever your intentions are you may still find yourself trying to mend your broken heart.

The first one of my friends to get plastic surgery was Cori. Her marriage of 16 years had always been pretty rocky, in fact early that year they had done a trial separation. When their kids began to act up at school and act out at home they decided to give their marriage another chance. Since both of them had had affairs there was a lot to work through. Cori was constantly comparing herself to the woman her husband had been with and her husband, Will, was over compensating to try and bring the spice back into their relationship.

Trying to work through their problems they both came to the conclusion that plastic surgery would help. Cori wanted to feel better about her body and her husband hoped with her new confidence that their relationship would get that spice back. Since the one thing that Cori wasn’t happy with on her body was her breasts, they decided that she would get breast implants.

She told me that after the surgery she literally had to fight her husband off and she loved it! She claimed that it was the best decision they had ever made and she was quite sure that it saved their marriage.

Unfortunately that is not always the case; in fact some men are terrified of their women getting any plastic surgery done. One man, from Alberta, says he loves his wife exactly as she is, but she wants to have a tummy tuck, liposuction, and breast implants. He explained that she wants to have the body she had before they had children, but he’s afraid that with her new look that she’ll run off and have an affair. Are his fears warranted?

Most women get plastic surgery to make them feel better about themselves. If their current relationship is dysfunctional then the surgery may give them the self-esteem to finally leave. But if the relationship is solid any surgery shouldn’t have any negative effects.

Another woman confessed to me that her husband asked her if she would ever consider having breast implants. She thought he loved her C cups, even though they weren’t quite as perky after two kids. She immediately began to feel self-conscious about them and decided to get surgery done to please him because she thought that is what he wanted. While his comment had been quite innocent it planted a seed into her head.

The surgery made her feel depressed and she stated she felt her slim build looked like a pencil with two huge balloons on it, she thought she looked like a clown. Although her husband told her she looked beautiful she became more and more self-conscious. Finally, with her husband’s full support, she decided to have the surgery reversed and a breast lift done instead. She claimed for the first time in a long time she feels like herself again and her husband was just happy to have her back.

Most research states that plastic surgery often does not help if a relationship is already having problems, has a history of problems, or if you are getting the surgery to please someone else. It only a temporary solution and the underlying problems are still there. Those problems need to be dealt with before considering surgery or your relationship won’t survive anyways.

This is exactly what happened to Cori. Six months after her breast surgery her marriage began to have problems again. While her new body and confidence had been a great distraction for six months, the same old problems and patterns began to surface and they were back where they had started – separated. Even though she is heart broken that they couldn’t work it out she claims she doesn’t regret her surgery because she did it for herself as well as her husband. She says she feels much better about herself and she is confident that her heart will mend.

Plastic surgery done for the right reasons, and not to act as a “band-aid” to save your marriage, can have many positive affects. After all it’s quite normal to want to have your body back after having children, or change something you’ve always wanted to change, or just to fight aging. Regardless of the reason you have to be doing it because you want it, not to please someone else. So if you are trying to save your marriage with plastic surgery you may instead find yourself trying to mend your broken heart.

3 Tips to Help Someone Fall In Love With You

You see it on TV and in the movies, girl love boy or boy loves girl but they love someone else. Magically though, by the end show they get together and live happily ever after. Can this fairy tale happen in real life? Is it possible to make someone fall in love with you and heal your broken heart?

Here are 3 tips to help that special someone fall in love with you:

  1. Common Interests – People are often attracted to one another when they share a common interest. Try to get to know them and find out their interests; are any of them yours too? Maybe you share the love of hiking or reading the same type of books, whatever it is you can build on that interest. Don’t ever lie about an interest, if the person ever found out you would be breaking their trust and could jeopardize any further relationship. Also you never want to be someone you aren’t; you shouldn’t have change who you are for someone you love.
  2. Qualities – When people are looking for a partner they look for someone who has qualities they like or admire. For example, one of my friends will only go out with men who are over 35, are non-smokers and have a sense of humor. Do you have qualities that the person you love is attracted to? Look at their past relationships, are their ex partners similar? Do you have any of the qualities that they had? You have to be careful here and don’t try to be just like their past partners, after all there is a reason they broke up. That little something they were attracted to could be as simple as allowing him to hold the door being open for you, holding their hand or made them feel special in some way.
  3. Be a good friend – I believe a good relationship starts with friendship. It may take a long time to get the person you love but as your friendship grows, you will become a vital part in their life. If they need you, be there for them, be a good listener, but do not stop and just sit there and wait for them! You have to continue living and try dating other people. If you look like you are just there for them at every whim you will only look pathetic. It may sound weird to date other people while you wait for them but you have to show them that you have a life and other people are attracted to you, it may make them look differently at you, they may even find you more attractive.

 

It’s difficult and heartbreaking when the person you love doesn’t love you back. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You could have a fairy tale ending just like on TV or in the movies, but if these 3 tips don’t work, that person may not be the one for you and you will have to know when to move on and try to heal your broken heart.

Heal Your Broken Heart – What To Do If He is Being Unfaithful?

You see him catch her eye, then they both look away quickly, but smile as they do it. Your heart has been breaking as you’ve watched the progression of their “crush”; they’re seemingly innocent flirting, and the long periods of time that they are both to be “missing” from a party. He’s your husband – and she is supposed to be your friend. Can you forgive him for being unfaithful and heal your broken heart?

Our immediate emotions are hurt and anger when we find out our partner has been unfaithful to us. Is there a way to get passed this, stop the affair and repair your relationship? You have to ask yourself whether you are still in love with him and if the relationship even worth repairing?

If you want to repair your relationship then one of the first things you need to do put yourself in his shoes, why is he attracted to her? Is there something missing from your relationship that is drawing him to other women? Usually if one partner cheats it is due to the fault of both parties and either their relationship has become stale or one of you (or both) is taking the other for granted. Even if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time you still need to make your partner feels special. A successful relationship has to be worked on and maintained because if it isn’t the relationship can’t grow.

Sometimes people cheat just because the attention they get from the opposite sex makes them feel good about themselves. Imagine if after years of being in a relationship and out of the blue some great looking guy is flirting with you. Suddenly you feel a little sexy, maybe a bit naughty, and with a little flirting he has made you feel things that you haven’t felt in a long time.

Now that doesn’t give anyone the excuse to take it further than some innocent flirting. So that means you need to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. You need to explain that you know what is going on and ask what him what his intentions are. Does he love her, does she love him? Does he still love you? If there are things that you need to work on in the relationship, like not taking him for granted, tell him you realize that.

If working it out is what you decide to do, then you both have to be willing to give it 100%, because it will be a rough road. If you can, try seeing a marriage counselor, they can act as a mediator so you both can get your feelings out and communicated properly to the each other. If you can’t see a counselor then you both have to be respectful when the other is trying to tell you how they feel.

Also, one of the most important things you need to remember is, if you decide to forgive him, you absolutely CAN NOT throw the affair back in his face. That will not help build your trust up with each other.

If you find that you are having trouble forgiving him and you still cannot trust him, you may have to move on to heal your broken heart.

Mend Your Broken Heart – Top 3 Reasons Why You are Still Alone

Your friends are always telling you that you are good looking, have a great personality and have so much to offer someone, but you’re thinking  “If I’m so great then why am I still alone on a Friday night trying to mend my broken heart?”

The solution may be closer than you think if you are willing to be honest with yourself. Most of the time we walk around in denial, telling ourselves that all the good ones are taken, but you’re still single and you are a good catch, so all the good one aren’t taken!

Reason #1 – You are attracted to the wrong person.

Make a list of what you look for in a partner, is your list close to who you are attracted to? My friend, Belle, for instance, is a beautiful girl and has no trouble getting a date, but her relationships never last more then a few months, why? For Belle, she needs to have that instant attraction or she doesn’t give the guy a chance. That attraction though, has nothing to do with the guy and has everything to do with sexual attraction. How can you build a long-term relationship on sexual attraction?

Some couples can grow from a sexual relationship to a more meaningful relationship, but it really depends on the people. Unfortunately for Belle, these guys she is attracted to are not the kind of guys that want to settle down, or are the type that will stay faithful. That is why she always ends up with a broken heart, because her list and the guys she went out with have very little in common.

What does your list look like? Does the person you want to be with the same person you are attracted to?

Reason #2 – Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I hear constantly from my friends how hard it is to meet a great guy. When I ask them where they are looking they sheepishly tell me… a bar. I don’t know about you but I don’t know anyone who has met someone at a bar and had a lasting relationship.

While there is always a chance that you could meet someone great at a bar, you’d probably have a better chance to meet someone at a coffee shop, a bookstore or even a laundromat. One of my friends met her husband at the bus stop, since they were both there everyday at the same time they struck up a conversation and got to know each other. After a few weeks they finally went on a date. If they had met at a bar they probably wouldn’t have even bothered to get to know each on the same level as they did at the bus stop.

What are some of your favorite places to hang out, could it be the place you meet your Mr. Right?

Reason #3 – You listen to your friends and not your gut.

Our friends only want what best for us and sometimes what they think and what we think is not always the same thing. I remember meeting my friend’s new boyfriend one night, they had been dating for a while and she really wanted her friends to finally meet him.

It was rocky right from the start, her new guy got totally hammered and was completely out of hand. My friend squirmed in her seat as he kept spilling his drink everywhere and got louder and louder. He did not make a good first impression.

The next day I told her, “That guy is an idiot, you deserve much better than that!”. I know I wasn’t the only one who told her to dump him, but she didn’t give in to peer pressure and continued to see him.

I’m so glad she ignored me because he turned out to be a really awesome guy! He acted like a complete jerk that night because he had been nervous about meeting all of us so he drank too much.

So do you listen to your friends and dump potentially great guys?

So is the solution to why you are still alone right in front of you? Do you think you know now what changes to make? Can you make the changes so you are not home alone on a Friday night, wondering to yourself “How can I mend my broken heart?”. If you think there is another reason I may have missed, let me know by putting in your comments.

I’m Still In Love With My Ex – Can I Get Them Back?

It’s reasonable to think “I’m still in love with my ex” especially if the breakup is still fresh in your head. That doesn’t mean that the break up had to be recent, just that you are still clinging to some hope that you will get back together. You can’t help but think “How can I get them back and heal my broken heart?”

With the holidays coming up it’s natural to feel lonely and want what you use to have, but be careful what you wish for. Getting back together with your ex might not be the best thing, so before you proceed you need to make sure you really think it through.

First of all you should think about why you broke up. Is it something that you alone can fix? Unless your ex is on board with trying to make it work, you may have to change only the things you can do alone.

You don’t want the same relationship again, obviously something was wrong, otherwise it wouldn’t have ended. So instead of repeating the same old cycle, which will not be appealing to your ex, you need to add something new to the relationship.

For example, think about the things that went wrong in your relationship, what were your fights about? Were you the one instigating them or was he? After my breakup I discovered I was way too motherly, I always tried to fix everything, instead of allowing him to figure things out. It made him feel inferior and like a child. Or are you like my friend, Serena, she allowed her anger and resentment towards her husband to drive him away?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing; it allows us to look at the past much more objectively and without emotion. Write down the things you think went wrong and now try and change them. If you were angry, try and let the anger go before even attempting to talk to your ex. If you are like me, always trying to fix things, learn to listen and be there for him instead of trying to fix everything. Let him come up with some ideas, it will boost his ego if he can take care of it himself.

Once you have figured out what you need to do, and are making an honest effort to change, then start to re-establish a friendship with your ex. Take things slow and test the waters a little bit. If you push too hard you may scare him off forever. If he seems to be responding to your efforts then maybe trying hanging out, invite him out with some friends, but keep it really casual. Let him see that you have changed, don’t point it out to him, if it was a real sore spot in your relationship then he will definitely notice.

Let the relationship take its course, it may be slow going but that is ok. Some things take longer to heal than others. He needs to see that you have changed for the long haul and that it is not just temporary. Hopefully by the holidays you will be thinking about what the new year will bring for the two of you, instead of thinking, “I’m still in love with my ex, how can I heal my broken heart?”.

Helpful Steps to Heal My Broken Heart

Break ups can be utterly devastating to a person. Depending on the depth of the relationship, a breakup can suck the life right out of you. The things that you used to do, work, play, being with friends or family, your hobbies, all of that can suddenly have no meaning whatsoever. The truth is that when you heart is broken, life can seem like it has little meaning. Unfortunately, most people have experienced this in their lives and it can be challenging to say the least. That is why many people asked the same question: how can I heal my broken heart. The good news is that there is an answer.

Most people who are interested in you feeling better, and these are well meaning people, mind you, will tell you that the feelings you are having post breakup are normal and if you give it time, you will feel better. While that may be partially true, most people will not be up for waiting for time to do its healing. That is why the Steps to Heal offers you a 30 step heal my broken heart program.

The heal my broken heart program was created by experience. Based on the premise of positive psychology, this helpful program uses a combination of videos, support and a comprehensive 75 page workbook full of positive information and exercises aimed at helping you heal a broken heart. You will learn to live again, lose your jealousy, master feelings of rejection, no longer fear being alone and basically you will get your life back.

While the feeling that you have after a serious relationship ends in a breakup are normal, they can really throw a wrench in to your life and it can be very difficult for a person to recover. If these feeling are not dealt with directly and immediately, they can cripple a persons ability to live and love in the future. However, the heal my broken heart program can help you to not only cope with the pain and emotions of a breakup, but it can help you dig your way out of the emotional hole you find yourself in and help you to put the pieces of your life together again.

First Step:Get Up and Get Out

It is not a very pleasant part of life, but the reality is that breakups that lead to someone’s heart getting broken happens all of the time.  Having a broken heart is a terrible thing to have to deal with and when it happens, it can be a very dark and truly unforgettable period of your life. While it will eventually pass, the time you have to endure the pain and the sadness of a broken heart can seem interminable. However, there are ways to speed the process along and there are several how to heal my broken heart tips that can help you.

If you were in a semi committed or a very serious relationship that has come to an end, regardless of who precipitated the break up, you may be left with a serious broken heart. This can affect so many areas of a person’s life and it can literally cripple you, both emotionally and physically. You may feel like there is no reason to live your life with any joy. You may have lost your desire for engaging in social activities, personal hobbies and you may have noticed a significant decrease in your daily appetite. You likely spend most of your time shut in at home and not feeling like doing much more than that.

The key here is to refuse that urge to not venture out. That doesn’t mean that anyone expects you to be out clubbing the same night the relationship broke off. However, it doesn’t mean that you should be a homebody for the rest of your days. You need to, after a little while, get up and get out. Hit the town with some friends, get out of town for a few days if possible to remove yourself from the situation. Basically, you want to go do something. You may not feel like it at all, and it may be a mighty effort at first, but getting back in the swing of things can really help in the heal my broken heart process.

While there are plenty of other how to heal my broken heart steps you can follow, this is one of the first ones you’ll want to consider. Who knows, perhaps you will actually have a little fun getting out. Once you see a little light at the end of the tunnel, healing your broken heart can become just that much easier to do.