You see him catch her eye, then they both look away quickly, but smile as they do it. Your heart has been breaking as you’ve watched the progression of their “crush”; they’re seemingly innocent flirting, and the long periods of time that they are both to be “missing” from a party. He’s your husband – and she is supposed to be your friend. Can you forgive him for being unfaithful and heal your broken heart?
Our immediate emotions are hurt and anger when we find out our partner has been unfaithful to us. Is there a way to get passed this, stop the affair and repair your relationship? You have to ask yourself whether you are still in love with him and if the relationship even worth repairing?
If you want to repair your relationship then one of the first things you need to do put yourself in his shoes, why is he attracted to her? Is there something missing from your relationship that is drawing him to other women? Usually if one partner cheats it is due to the fault of both parties and either their relationship has become stale or one of you (or both) is taking the other for granted. Even if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time you still need to make your partner feels special. A successful relationship has to be worked on and maintained because if it isn’t the relationship can’t grow.
Sometimes people cheat just because the attention they get from the opposite sex makes them feel good about themselves. Imagine if after years of being in a relationship and out of the blue some great looking guy is flirting with you. Suddenly you feel a little sexy, maybe a bit naughty, and with a little flirting he has made you feel things that you haven’t felt in a long time.
Now that doesn’t give anyone the excuse to take it further than some innocent flirting. So that means you need to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. You need to explain that you know what is going on and ask what him what his intentions are. Does he love her, does she love him? Does he still love you? If there are things that you need to work on in the relationship, like not taking him for granted, tell him you realize that.
If working it out is what you decide to do, then you both have to be willing to give it 100%, because it will be a rough road. If you can, try seeing a marriage counselor, they can act as a mediator so you both can get your feelings out and communicated properly to the each other. If you can’t see a counselor then you both have to be respectful when the other is trying to tell you how they feel.
Also, one of the most important things you need to remember is, if you decide to forgive him, you absolutely CAN NOT throw the affair back in his face. That will not help build your trust up with each other.
If you find that you are having trouble forgiving him and you still cannot trust him, you may have to move on to heal your broken heart.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Good words of advice. Another part of the equation could be if this has gone on before or not. It would be very difficult to rebuild trust if he is a repeat offender. It is also easy to get bitter about his cheating on you. You probably really do need to get some type of counseling because there will be a lot of feelings to get through and rebuilding to do, if both parties are committed.
Well my first reaction to this would be leave your husband and take him for everything he’s got financially. As for your “friend”, I would tell everyone and anyone who would listen, what a man stealer and home wrecker she is. However, that said, it won’t help you to heal and move on. The article is right in that you need to find out what went wrong. Usually it isn’t you but the person that had the affair that has issues and problems. Once you realize that it is not you, you can move on. This has been my experience anyway. I mean really, how does one move on and heal without counselling?